lilmoonbunny16 (lilmoonbunny16) wrote,

This is a list that I wrote while totally bored one Saturday night. I would like to say that these are not all things that I have done, merely things I have heard about, seen, or thought of. This list of mine was inspired by the "213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the US Army" a very funny list which I totally recommend.

After reading about Skippy, I decided to take a shot at writing my own list. Enjoy and feel free to add some things of your own.

Things I am not allowed to do at Keuka….

1. Accuse my computer of being a terrorist because it will not let me win at solitaire

2. Dress up as the ghost of George Ball for Halloween to scare freshmen

3. Tell the freshmen there really is a pool in Ball Hall

4. I am not allowed to yell Bullshit whenever a professor says anything (even if it is).

5. Suggest that the drunks streak down the hall wearing Halloween masks…and nothing else…

6. Even if they kept me up all night with their yelling

7. Push somebody onto the grave of Katherine Blyley

8. Or point and laugh if someone else does it

9. Lock the drunks out of their rooms

10. Even if they deserve it

11. I will not TP, Egg, or bologna my professors' cars/homes/offices

12. I will not raffle off any of the boys

13. I will not wear a prison uniform to the cafeteria

14. I will not tell Sodhexo that the food tastes the same as a prisons' while wearing a jail uniform.

15. I will not go to class sky clad

16. even if I am drunk

17. Crayon drawings are not appropriate things to hand in as assignments

18. Unless you're an early childhood major

19. I will not go to the chaplain and insist on an exorcism because my roommate snores

20. I will not laugh every time the British professor uses any Briticisms

21. Or yell "..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Britain sucks!" while in his class

22. Or ask him if he's ever been to Hogwarts

23. I will not yell "save the trees!" when a professor gives a handout

24. even if they are killing trees with unnecessary handouts that we will never use

25. I will not steal the wheelchair from Health Services and race around campus running people over in it.

26. I am not allowed to swallow 3 quarts of blue food coloring

27. even if it was a dare

28. And I was drunk

29. I will not ask Dr. Darling how he gets to everyone's house on Christmas Eve yet never seems to be able to give us our papers back at a reasonable time

30. I will not give Dr. Darling a Santa hat as a gift

31. Even if the resemblance is obvious

32. I will not sing the lumberjack song every time I see Dr. Beigel.

33. I will not go into Dr. Beigel's office, take a handful of m &m's and run.

34. Giving Dr. Beigel a pair of sneaker is not a good idea

35. Neither is buying him a fun pair of socks

36. even if they have duckies on them

37. I am not allowed to wander around campus singing songs from musicals at the top of my lungs…people will call the cops….or bring out their shot guns

38. I will not ask Dr. Darling about the "drunk poet story" again

39. I will not offer to DD for the drunks and leave them in random places in Penn Yan

40. Even if they threw up in my car

41. I will not hook up a beer keg through the wall so that I can't get in trouble for having alcohol

42. I will not ask about Dr. Rogoff's grandson Zippy

43. I will not tape a "help me!" sign to Dr. Darling's back when he is going into a staff meeting

44. Even if he asks me to….

45. I will not post a "Reasons I do not have friends" list about anyone, on the campus bulletin board

46. I am not allowed to steal people's keys and run off laughing like a maniac

47. Even if it's fun that they chase me

48. And if they leave their keys unattended in plain sight.

49. I will not take over the world

50. I will not help anyone else take over the world

51. I am not allowed to become a ninja

52. Or an assassin

53. I will not tell people that the printer in the library is magical because it can staple stuff inside of it.

54. I am not authorized to fire professors

55. even if I am smarter than them

56. I must not ask the soft ball players if they are all lesbians

57. Or the synchronized swimmers

58. Doing a rain dance naked on the chapel lawn is not appropriate

59. Neither is a snow dance

60. Or a sun dance

61. I am not authorized to cancel school

62. Even if everyone thinks it should be

63. I am not allowed to pretend I am Quasimodo in the Ball Hall bell tower

64. Or pretend to be the ghost of George Ball's wife

65. I am not allowed to respond to anyone's greeting with "You have no evidence!"

66. I will not file reports with security about the aliens that tried to abduct me.
Tags: skippy list
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