After reading about Skippy, I decided to take a shot at writing my own list. Enjoy and feel free to add some things of your own.
Things I am not allowed to do at Keuka….
1. Accuse my computer of being a terrorist because it will not let me win at solitaire
2. Dress up as the ghost of George Ball for Halloween to scare freshmen
3. Tell the freshmen there really is a pool in Ball Hall
4. I am not allowed to yell Bullshit whenever a professor says anything (even if it is).
5. Suggest that the drunks streak down the hall wearing Halloween masks…and nothing else…
6. Even if they kept me up all night with their yelling
7. Push somebody onto the grave of Katherine Blyley
8. Or point and laugh if someone else does it
9. Lock the drunks out of their rooms
10. Even if they deserve it
11. I will not TP, Egg, or bologna my professors' cars/homes/offices
12. I will not raffle off any of the boys
13. I will not wear a prison uniform to the cafeteria
14. I will not tell Sodhexo that the food tastes the same as a prisons' while wearing a jail uniform.
15. I will not go to class sky clad
16. even if I am drunk
17. Crayon drawings are not appropriate things to hand in as assignments
18. Unless you're an early childhood major
19. I will not go to the chaplain and insist on an exorcism because my roommate snores
20. I will not laugh every time the British professor uses any Briticisms
21. Or yell "..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Britain sucks!" while in his class
22. Or ask him if he's ever been to Hogwarts
23. I will not yell "save the trees!" when a professor gives a handout
24. even if they are killing trees with unnecessary handouts that we will never use
25. I will not steal the wheelchair from Health Services and race around campus running people over in it.
26. I am not allowed to swallow 3 quarts of blue food coloring
27. even if it was a dare
28. And I was drunk
29. I will not ask Dr. Darling how he gets to everyone's house on Christmas Eve yet never seems to be able to give us our papers back at a reasonable time
30. I will not give Dr. Darling a Santa hat as a gift
31. Even if the resemblance is obvious
32. I will not sing the lumberjack song every time I see Dr. Beigel.
33. I will not go into Dr. Beigel's office, take a handful of m &m's and run.
34. Giving Dr. Beigel a pair of sneaker is not a good idea
35. Neither is buying him a fun pair of socks
36. even if they have duckies on them
37. I am not allowed to wander around campus singing songs from musicals at the top of my lungs…people will call the cops….or bring out their shot guns
38. I will not ask Dr. Darling about the "drunk poet story" again
39. I will not offer to DD for the drunks and leave them in random places in Penn Yan
40. Even if they threw up in my car
41. I will not hook up a beer keg through the wall so that I can't get in trouble for having alcohol
42. I will not ask about Dr. Rogoff's grandson Zippy
43. I will not tape a "help me!" sign to Dr. Darling's back when he is going into a staff meeting
44. Even if he asks me to….
45. I will not post a "Reasons I do not have friends" list about anyone, on the campus bulletin board
46. I am not allowed to steal people's keys and run off laughing like a maniac
47. Even if it's fun that they chase me
48. And if they leave their keys unattended in plain sight.
49. I will not take over the world
50. I will not help anyone else take over the world
51. I am not allowed to become a ninja
52. Or an assassin
53. I will not tell people that the printer in the library is magical because it can staple stuff inside of it.
54. I am not authorized to fire professors
55. even if I am smarter than them
56. I must not ask the soft ball players if they are all lesbians
57. Or the synchronized swimmers
58. Doing a rain dance naked on the chapel lawn is not appropriate
59. Neither is a snow dance
60. Or a sun dance
61. I am not authorized to cancel school
62. Even if everyone thinks it should be
63. I am not allowed to pretend I am Quasimodo in the Ball Hall bell tower
64. Or pretend to be the ghost of George Ball's wife
65. I am not allowed to respond to anyone's greeting with "You have no evidence!"
66. I will not file reports with security about the aliens that tried to abduct me.